AmpQueen's Blonde Dissing Page
What's a blond between 2 brunette? A mental block
What do you call 3 blondes that walk into a building? Beats me, you would think one of them would have seen it
Why are there no brunette jokes? Because blondes would have to think them up
Why can't a blonde make ice cubes? Doesn't know the recipe
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant
Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies? It takes to long to get the shells off the M & M's
What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears? Trying to hold on to a thought
Brunette to the blonde: Awww, look at the dead birdie. The blonde stopped, looked up, and said "where"?
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back
What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt? Brain tumor
How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it? With a thought
How can you tell a blonde has been at your computer? There's white-out on the screen
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1000, 1 to hold the bulb, one to hold the latter, and 998 to turn the world
How do you light up a blonde's eyes? Shine a flash light in her ears
Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory? She kept eating all the w's
Why do blonde's tease their hair so high? To catch everything that goes over their heads
What do you have when you line up a row of blondes ear to ear? A wind tunnel
What do you call a brunnette in the middle of two blondes? An interpruter
Why does a blonde have TGIF written on her shoes? Toes Go In First
What's the advantage of being married to a blonde? You can park in the handicapped zone
What do blondes and soda bottles have in common? They're both empty from the neck up
What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes
How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? Blow in her ear
Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? They can't fit two quarts of water in that little package
Why did the blonde's belly button hurt? Her boyfriend was blonde too
How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
What do you have when a blonde has a dollar on her head? All you can eat for under a buck
If a blonde brunette and a redhead jump off a building which one will hit the ground last? The blonde cuz she'll stop and ask for directions
How do you get a one armed blonde off a poll? Wave
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and followed the woman into the next room. The woman looked confused but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off-blue." Again, the contractor wrote it down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"This baffled the woman, but she was reluctant to say anything. The woman said she wanted the next room painted in a light rose color.And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Finally the woman mustered up enough courage to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color want you to paint the room?"The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."
You know you have a blonde friends when:
-She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her
-She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
-She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
-She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
-She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
-She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She tried to drown a fish.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
-If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
-They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
-Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
-She tripped over a cordless phone.
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put
-She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
-It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
-If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
-She studied for a blood test - and failed.
-She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
-She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
-She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
-She sold the car for gas money.
-When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and
got 16 friends.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she
-She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
-When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
-When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport
Left", she turned around and went home.