Some of my poetry

This is a small collection of poety written by the one, the only, AmpQueen. (She and all of her demented allusions) Many of the poems don't have titles, so don't become confused. The line breaks indicate the beginnings of poems. I'll add new ones as soon as my demented mind thinks them up. *l* Enjoy! (Sorry for the spelling errors, I'm not the world's greatest speller.)



I marched along on my contradicting missions, shifting my beliefs and suiting my current fashions. You humored my hypocrisies and held my hand in the various religions, dark and swirling. The shifting confusions of all my psychosises. I was self-diagnosed with the disease of conformity. The suicidal society, dark regions of my mind. All the ultimatums forced upon you. So headstrong, I campaigned for the self-destructive candidates. You were so silent in your concerns. Blocked realizations and forgotten truths. I was intimate with my own worse enemies; the morning after pill for all my regrets. Hypocondriatic self-mutilations. But I always had an excuse, and I always had another self-delusional realization to confess to you, my friend.


You're near enough to breathe into my soul.

The acute pain of my heart, that lonesome little hole.

My wanting is sharper than your harshest gaze.

The need for you covers my thoughts with a lingering haze.

I'm closer now than ever before to the things I've always needed.

Why do you hear my cries of anguish now but before they went unheeded?

How many deaths do I have to die before my love is requited?


Sadness

I read a beautiful poem today.
I wanted to share it with you, but you went away.

It reminded me so much of you, and your ways.
Why did you have to leave me on that sad day?

My world turned black and rain fell from the skies,
Almost as hard as the tears from my eyes.

I was so very sad, and I hurt on the inside.
It's hard to accept things when your best friend dies.

Now I am here in this world all alone,
And I have no one to tell when I read beautiful poems.



Conformity

I was unsure in my beliefs
shaky in my foundation

You offered up your views
differences in opinions

I was converted easily
confused in the religion

You told me to put my faith in something
I didn't even know existed

I lost myself in the rush for salvation
drained of my indifference

You filled me with emotion
but did I want the realization?

I submitted to the conformity
blindly led in your assurance

Were you shocked when I found my own voice?
I've learned to make my own decisions



My need for love is obvious.
Why does that fact scare you so?
I confess in you all my wants
and cry as I watch you go.
This world is such a cold dark place,
lying in my bed alone at night.
Visions of your warm embrace
have all but vanished from my sight.
I'd give my life for one more night,
one more night in your warmest grace.
We'll lay in beds of satin lace,
and cherish our bodies in that place.
When the morning's harsh sunlight
comes shining in our room,
I won't think about the ghosts of doubt
that over me still loom.



I will not be a victim of your precocious mannerisms. I refuse to be the lead role in your melodramas any longer. I wanna feel my blood race thru my body for reasons other than your touch. Not one more tear will be wasted on worrisome thoughts created by the negative vibe you are. Why did I think it was so sepiternal? Love can never be endless. I placed you on such a supernal level, who told me you were god? Was that another self-delusion? There were so many. Our connection had become moribund with those delusions and your apathy. I'm trying to learn how to live outside the bubble of you. The conversion has helped me realize the the world is alot bigger than I ever imagined...


folds of your love

I want to wrap you up in my veils,
feel me coursing through your veins.
I touch the bare skin of your love.
My passion can't be tamed.
It's so extreme, I almost feel pain.
The agony of sacrafice,
giving myself to you.
I want to feel your lips travel my body twice.
Can I explore your body tonight?
Search the dark regions of your soul.
The purity of our connection,
can be obscured by the light.
Let me hide here in the dark tonight,
beneath the folds of your love.



Thin
stark green eyes contrast the pale flesh
dark strands of loosely binded hair falling
Frail
bony vise grip of claw-like hand
jutting encasement of ribcage
Fragile
pain flooding through weak veins
huddling mound of carcass by the stairs
Dead


Raven waves of her satin hair billow out in the early morning sun. Reminders of the star-sprinkled night skies are echoed there. Soft, round becons of green hue survey the dew-covered garden. Small, white strawberry blooms that once dappled the dark, rich soil with color are now replaced by crimson treasures. Gathered folds of her flower-print sundress bunch at her thighs as she bends to pick the sun-ripened fruit. Years of childhood summers gone by explode in her mouth as the first bite of the year's harvest engulfs her senses.


Dark, mysterious swells of green water crash against the shoreline.
Brillant, white sand is swept into the swirling tide.
Pastel shells are scattered about the beach.
The gritty sand shifts beneath bare shoe-forsaken feet.
Cries of seagulls are heard high above in the sun-brightened sky.
Puffy, white clouds float in the blue abyss.
The scent of kelp is carried in the salty breeze.
The warm air and sun-light carasses the skin.


Dances
Dances in the false reality of childhood.
Floats in the oblivion created by adults.
Cries at the pain of the insults that cut much deeper than any physical violence.
Appologies for the un-known wrongs.
Watches the false reality shatter.
Winces as the shards pierce the fragile skin of her soul.
Learns to blame herself for all things wrong.
Accepts the contempt.
Hides the scars.
Hides


Twice scarred

Scars of past scorn hidden beneath my cloak of denial
love refused and abuse given
The soul withers
The soul struggles
Slowly quieted by guilt
Only to be washed clean
by the connecting of mind and the joining of hearts
You fall again and somewhere in the back of your mind
a voice screams "Remember" but the hoarse whispers
fade into the background as
you are led blindly into the black void of caring
and suddenly nothing seems to matter but him


REALITY

We can not deny death.
It must be.
Some people don't understand.
They just can't see.
Why must we lose loved ones?
Why must they die?
Why do they leave us?
Why do we cry?
We have to relize that
When we part way,
We will see them again
Up there, some day.


WHO'S THE REAL FOOL?

You tried to fit in with the crowd.
You wanted to be real cool.
You laughed at him.
You called him a fool.
He raised his hand in protest.
He tried to block the blow.
He acted like it was nothing.
He put on a big show.
Deep inside he hurt.
Deep in his heart he cried.
Deep down he wept.
Deep in his soul he died.


JOHN'S SUICIDE

John was a good friend of mine.
He left and didn't say goodbye.
He was found in his room.
The blood dripped from an open wound.
We found the blade on the floor,
And a note that read "No more"
John left us to cry,
And there is no one to explain why.


RANDOM THOUGHTS OF AN INSOMNIAC AT
FOUR O' CLOCK IN THE MORNING
Childlike presence
Light of my eyes
Ever feel like you wanna die
My barriers fail
Here comes the pain
Needles stinging like the rain
Someone shines a light
I can see
The world is a reflection of me
Everything is beautiful
Flight of a dove
Why does it hurt so much to fall in love
Bruises of the past
Use to be so sore
Don't hurt as much anymore
So many insane thoughts
Holding the knife
Wanting to end your life
Violence on the T.V.
Watching the blood shed
And by it the children are fed
Death avenges nothing
Reality slips
Kisses from my lovers lips
Quite before the storm
Want to hide
Trying to escape from the turmoil inside
I am exposed
Naked and abused
All I ever feel is used
Some eyes grow weary
But mine never will
Cause I lie awake in my hell still


She created
Created a shield to protect her fragile soul
She paraded
Paraded around in her false persona
She feared
Feared there would never be anyone who could understand
She searched
Searched for a kind soul to listen
She found
Found a friend



Someday we will walk in the land of forgotten nothings whispered in the ears of lovers on the sunny type of day that makes reality scurry under the bed of fantasy. There we will be happy.


The whispered ideas of salvation fathomed only in the minds of children are forever lost in the violence of the world.